Perimenopause and me
How Perimenopause started for me
Until a few years ago I couldn’t have told you what perimenopause was and I assumed that Menopause was a long way off. When I started my periods my Mum said “You know you can get pregnant now right?”. That was both my period and sex talk! Ah Mums of the 80’s! So you can see how I might not have been prepared for this.
I had only just started to get a grip on my menstruation cycle (big thanks to the book ‘Period Power’ by @_maisiehill_ ) and like a lot of women and girls I had for a long time felt it was something to be ashamed of and not discussed outside your own bedroom, let alone your own home. But having a Daughter myself I was adamant that I would be more educated not just for me, but for her too. Ellies really going to love our period and sex talks! Bring on the diagrams and uterus’s with smiley faces :D
Then about age 43, I started getting breast pain. It was so sore and swollen I thought I was pregnant, but after several nerve wracking pregnancy tests it was clear it wasn’t that. It was so bad I couldn’t wear a bra or lie on my front. So I contacted my GP.
A quick exam and chat with the GP and they said to be safe I should go get a breast cancer scan. I was under a lot of stress, so just kept assuming it was that. After a long wait and a couple of hours at the hospital they gave me the all clear and suggested it could be perimenopause. I was releaved, but not sure what the next steps were to start to feel better.
After this a quick succesion of symptoms started to appear. All different and what made it even trickier, was that they would come and go. Some would appear at certain times of my cycle and some not. The migraines were unberable. Resulting in me throwing up and spending days in bed in the dark. Not ideal when you have a 7 year old, classes to teach and a business to run.
Then the memory loss came. This was by far the hardest thing to deal with. I couldn’t remember words, peoples names, would forget a routine half way through teaching it (thank you to my DLAM ladies for your amazing patience!). One day my Yoga Instructor asked me where we had been on holiday, just the week before. It took me the whole class, the walk home and to get into bed to remember “Rhodes! it was Rhodes!”. I thought I was losing my mind. I was also finding everything hard. I didn’t want to see people and felt so low that I was having suicidal thoughts. I cried all the time and just wanted to curl up under the covers and no one touch me or talk to me. Those who know me will know this is very much out of character. I love being around people, dancing and generally making a dick of myself.
I was in therapy anyway and my therapist was 5 years older than me, so had, had experience of peri-menopause and menopause. Through chatting to her, and other women and reading up about peri-menopause it became clear this was the issue. I was grateful it was likely to be this and not the dreaded black dog, returning to me again. But after reading lots of posts about other women asking their GP for help with this I was starting to feel I might have a fight on my hands.
WHAT IS PERI-MONOPAUSE ANYWAY
Okay firstly I’m no Doctor. A lot of the information I got about it was from some great sources. I found Davina McCall & Dr Naomi Potters book ‘Menopausing’ to be really helpful as well as their social media posts too. Menopausing by Davina McCall, Dr. Naomi Potter | Waterstones Davina McCall (@davinamccall) Dr Naomi Potter | Menopause Doctor (@dr_naomipotter)
Basically when we are around 37 our hormones start to slow down in preparation for Menopause. Menopause is classed as one year after your last period and symptoms of peri-menopause can start 10 years before your menopause! We produce Estrogen, Progesterone and Testosterone (yup…we produce Testosterone)
Symptoms can be varied from person to person and come and go. You may find that certain ones are triggered at certain times of the month. For example migraines hit me around 2 days before I get my period. I found it helpful to use the cycle tracker Clue Period & Ovulation Tracker its free and a good way to help you keep track. There is a long list of symptoms (see the images thanks to Dr Naomi Potter)
These are the symptoms I have personally had:
Sore and swollen Breasts
Migraines
Tired and very low energy
Muscle and joint pain
Brain fog
Memory Loss
Feeling low, depressed and having suicidal thoughts
Struggling to fall asleep and stay asleep
Sore eyes with blurry vision
HRT & WHAT I DID NEXT
I started to track everything I thought could be a symptom. An odd one for me was that my eyes felt dry and tired all the time. Being 44 my hubby kindly suggested I might need glasses. So I went to get my eyes tested. He said they were pretty much 20/20 (Ah screw you Hubby!), and when I mentioned peri-menopause he said it was likely.
In tracking my symptoms I also became aware that certain foods and drinks were not my friend. I had for a while dabbled with going sober…sober curious, as I’d noticed it was only taking me a couple of glasses of wine and I felt horrific the next day. I also realised that certain things exasibated my sympotoms. So I cut out caffeine completly (easier than I thought it would be) and now only have 1 drink occasionally (hard as I thought it would be!). Also reduced sugar and upped my protien intake. I make sure I eat regularly to keep my blood suger level and started taking Magnesium for my Migranes.
THE DOCTORS
The doctor was a little bit challenging. Initially I was told that I was too young and that maybe migraine medication and the coil might help. The coil releases small doses of progesterone and can in some women stop your periods all together. So there was an assumption that this would in turn stop the breast pain and migraines. After many podcasts and time looking into the coil, when I arrived to get it done I suggested the nurse not taking it out of the packaging, as I wasn’t sure I was going to go ahead with it. The GP was helpful and chatted with me, telling me the coil wouldn’t effect my migraines as I would still ovulate. So in the same GP surgery, 2 female GP’s had different options on this. Not a good start!
She suggested I go on the pill. I explained to her that in my late teens I had some horrific side effects from the pill (mainly suicidal thoughts) and had steered clear since then. Her response was “maybe just give it a try?”. Needless to say I didn’t go get the prescription. I didn’t want to change my periods I wanted to better manage my cycle and symptoms.
I spent the next 5 months writing down every sympotom, following my cycle and making changes to my diet and lifstyle in the hope things would change. The migraine pills helped when it flaired up, but often it was too late and I’d be bed ridden an hour later. My husband (Stu) was so supportive and knew I wasn’t myself. We talked alot about my cylce and what I needed each week, how I felt and how he could help me. I can honestly say it was a really great experience for bringing us closer and understanding each other better and opened up opportunities for some hard conversations that helped us alot. He has often said If more Men knew their Partners cycle it would change so many relationships for the better.
I requested a doctors appointment in October last year. There was radio silence. By this point I was in a bad way and struggling day to day to function. I waited 4 weeks before I heard back, and had even arranged a private appointment with Manchester Menopause Hive, founded by Dr Zoe Hodson. We didnt have lots of spare money, but it felt worth it to get it sorted. However I managed to get a call with the GP. She listened to everything I said and said “well I can see youv’e been doing your research and know what you want. I’ll arrange a prescription for you, and you can collect it in a couple of hours”. I actually burst out crying. I felt such relief that maybe this might help.
THE TREATMENT
I decided to go for the Estrogen Gel and Progesterone tablets. Within 3 days I felt like a fog had lifted. I felt brighter and back in the room. 2 weeks later Stu and I were in the kitchen and I said something that made him laugh. I started to cry, as I actually couldn’t remember the last time I had made him laugh. It threw me totally and I realized how bad I had been feeling. It took around 2 months before my brain started to function again and I finally started to remember things! yeahy! I know I’ve been lucky and not everyone gets such good results from HRT, but for me its been a life changing experience. Looking back I think a lot of my symptoms were masked by covid and stressful events that were going on, but in reality I think I’ve had sympotom’s for around 4 years.
WHATS NEXT?
As I head into my 45th year, I don’t think I’ve ever felt so comfortable in my own skin and my life. I’ve realised a power that comes with perimenopause, where basically you stop giving a shit what other people think. You can see through peoples bullshit and unauthenticity and just want to do what makes you feel happy and good. I know If I’m not in a good place, then I can’t be there for my family and friends or run the business. Every week I feel the power and joy that comes from being around and dancing with other women and I feel we don’t often own our feminine energy or use it as we are able to. We have this wonderful cycle that helps us each month and all the tools we need within us to be happy and healthy. We just let the shit get in our way. I don’t think I’ll ever take my health for granted again and I do all I can to take care of myself (obviously there’s always cake!), but I’m trying now.
If you feel like something isn’t right keep pushing. Don’t let them tell you you’re too young (I have friends between 40 and 45 that are on HRT) and don’t let hem dismiss you. Stand up for what you need because you are a powerful fucking women and never forget that.
