Help! my baby hates the carrier/sling
HELP! My baby hates the sling/carrier!
I'm walking through beautiful woodland, hair freshly washed and flowing, as I feel the gentle rhythm of my baby breathing on my chest, deep in slumber. I'm at one with mother nature, I am literally mother earth IRL!
Then I have my baby and find that the Instagram babywearing fantasy I created for myself and my newborn is far from reality. I have no fucking idea how to fit this wrap, my baby screams every time I try to put her in it, my hair is on day 6 of dry shampoo and I’m left feeling frazzled. I’m as far from ethereal as you can get. I give up. My baby hates it!
This sound familiar? Okay some reality checks before we start, because babywearing is just absolutely bloody amazing. It's one of the most natural and beautiful ways for us to bond with our babies and on a practical level it's a god send for being able to settle your little one, be hands free and If you have an older child, to be able to comfort both your babies at the same time. But it also takes a bit of knowledge (we're here for that) and a bit of practice.
So here are my top 6 tips for helping your baby (and you!) to relax and be happier in the carrier/sling.
Our Charlie & Thomas in a Kahu Carrier
1. It’s normal
First things first. It's very normal for babies to fuss when being first put into a wrap or carrier. You are not the first or the last parent who will have this and with some handy tips from us, they will settle in no time.
2. Is baby ready?
The best time to practice with your wrap or carrier is when your baby is settled. Are they fed? Have they been changed? Ideally you want them not too far from being tired, but If they are overtired they may have a little kick off. Again this is totally normal. This is the most common reason babies can cry at the start of class, when they are trying to fight sleep. Good news is, 98% of the time they are asleep in a matter of seconds (did I mention DLAM is magic?) and we will help you recreate this at home too! The more relaxed your baby is, the better. Also it’s probably not advisable to try out your new carrier for the first time in the middle of Asda car park (I’ve genuinely helped someone fit a carrier in Asda car park before!). So at home or somewhere comfortable is best. Also it's great to have a mirror to help you when you first start. The age of your baby can also have an impact on this. Generally speaking younger babies (under 12 weeks) may fuss at first, or not; and then fall asleep. Babies between 3 and 12 months are starting to be aware of their surroundings more, they also have an automatic response to push away (tummy time) which is normal. This doesn’t necessarily mean they are trying to get out. When they become more active after around 12 months they may resist the carrier for certain periods of time Especially when they start to walk. So just have the carrier with you for long walks or popping to the shops, because I can guarantee their little legs will get tired and they will be very happy to get back in again. We carried our Daughter Ellie until she was 4. And yes we miss every second of it!
One of our Mums after our Children in Need performance in 2017.
3. Are you ready? And what’s your vibe?
Take a minute to check in with yourself. How are you feeling? This is an important one. One of the most common reasons babies seem unhappy is that they are picking up on your vibe. If you are feeling anxious or worried about the process of babywearing, they will pick up on this. So make sure you are fed, you are relaxed and feel prepared to practice. Also BREATHE…not short, chest breaths. Lovely long, slow, deep belly breaths. In through your nose, into your belly and slowly out of your mouth. This signals to both you and your baby that you are in a relaxed state. This really does work. I’ve been called the baby whisperer many times by just slowly swaying the baby and slowing my breathing down.
In classes we are often aware of the Mums feeling anxious. Maybe they have told us, or they are the ones at the back shushing and bouncing the baby up and down with their shoulders around their ears. First of all there is no judgment here. It can be daunting going to any new class for the first time, but there is something quite vulnerable about adding to that dancing and wearing your baby (especially If both are new to you). But honestly…its magic. The more you can relax and signal to your baby that everything is okay, they will (we promise) relax and yes, enjoy it. Being held close to you, with the music and gentle movement (yes even If you have two left feet!) is such a wonderful experience for them. We have seen this so many times over the years and we can assure you that with relaxed shoulders, slow breaths and gently sways you and your baby will be fine. More than fine.
Dad gently holding his baby in a Mamaruga carrier
4. Is the wrap or carrier right for you both and fitting well?
There are so many options for wraps and carriers. A big part of this experience is finding one that fits your body shape and age/size of baby and what you are looking for. If you fancy trying a wrap and are happy to put the time in to learn, then starting with a stretchy wrap is great for newborns. They fit all body shapes and mold around a newborn's body perfectly. If you then want to move onto a woven wrap you can. Or you may want convenience and something quick you can throw on for out walking the dog or taking your older child to school. Then a buckle carrier will be a better option. If you aren't sure on the best options for you, head over to our other blog to find out about body shape, carriers we recommend and some lovely discounts too. BLOG HERE Whatever you choose we recommend one that supports your babies hips and spine in an M shape position (so legs not dangling down) and supports your baby to the nape of their neck. Your baby needs to be high (up on the hard part of your chest), so they are safe and mold around your body well. The carrier or wrap needs to be tight enough that their back is supported and when you hug them they don’t move. It also needs to be comfortable for you too. We also have video tutorials HERE
If you are coming to class, we have a wide selection of carriers that are suitable for all body shapes and babies age and size. You don't need your own and we can advise on whether the carrier is suitable for you both and options. We will then help fit you safe and comfy in yours or one of ours. We are also able to offer 121’s either before or after class or in your own home (charges apply for this one). So please do get in touch with us and we can either arrange to see you around class (whether you're in class or not) or a 121 at home. Contact us HERE
5. Take your time
Like with anything worth doing well, babywearing is all about practice and patience. Slow down. Sway and stop If your baby seems upset or you're getting frustrated. The time will come (we promise!) when you can whip it on in less than a minute and your baby is settled and happy from the start.
One of our Mums after class. Her little girl fast asleep in a Mamaruga carrier
6. Move your body
As soon as you have a baby in, safe and comfy get moving! Go for a walk, dance around the house or even just sway side to side (try not to bounce as this can be overstimulating). The movement helps to activate your baby's parasympathetic nervous system, which signals the rest and digest state within their body. Movement is one of the most effective ways to reduce stress, not just for babies, but for you too. Again this is why DLAM is magic. Before we've even started the first routine all the babies are settled and quiet.
One of our lovely Mums after class. Her little one asleep in a Tula Free to Grow
My baby still hates it!
There is the odd occasion that even with putting all these tips into practice a baby will still be unhappy. If you're still having issues it could be related to something else. Again this is something we have seen in classes. For example, It might be related to your baby's alignment. I’d like to point out here that I can only speak from my own personal experience and the dealings that I’ve had with my own Daughter as a baby and the Parents in classes with good, reliable cranial osteopaths. If your baby's birth was c-section, ventouse, forceps or they were breach and you are having issues with babywearing and possibly your baby being unhappy in the car seat and possibly digestive issues it could be that they are out of alignment and the position of being in the carrier is uncomfortable for them. If your baby is very rigid this could also be a sign. Seeing a good cranial osteopath can really improve your baby's quality of life from sleep, to feeding and babywearing. If you are based in Manchester and would like to be signposted please get in touch. If you are outside of Manchester, ask around and get recommendations from other parents.
Final checklist
Is my baby fed, changed?
Is my baby not over tired?
Am I feeling relaxed, breathing slowly and signaling to my baby that everything is okay?
Is my carrier or wrap suitable for me and my baby and does it offer good support?
Is the carrier fitted well, high, tight and safe?
I’m moving once baby is in and keeping my body relaxed
Ultimately babywearing has so many positives for you and your baby, but as with most things it can sometimes take a little time. We are always here to offer advice and support and we would love to know If you have found this helpful in the comments below?
Happy babywearing,
Nikki xx
This blog was written by Nikki Baillie, who is the founder and Director of Dance Like a Mother. Nikki is also a SlingaBaby Babywearing consultant and has over 8 years experience supporting parents to wear their babies safely nd comfortably. Nikki is available for 121 babywearing support sessions, talks or workshops. If you would like to get in touch please do so below.
REVIEW
““A friend recommended Dance Like a Mother classes, and I put off going for ages because my little one ‘hated a carrier’ and seemed so unhappy in it.
Nikki reassured me that with the right carrier and a bit of help, he would be happy. Nikki checked over my carriers and felt they weren’t the best fit for us both and talked me through the reasons why he might be unhappy in the carrier. Within 5 minutes, being in a carrier fit expertly by Nikki and given some great support and guidance, he was snoozing away, and I got to enjoy the class with a wonderful group of women. We both had a fantastic time!””